My mother tells me I used to rearrange the bottles of nail polish at stores so they all lined up by color.  I like order and I like structure.  So much so, that when I was looking to switch careers, a Flight Attendant Career seemed like a perfect fit.  There are procedures to be followed, like pre and post-flight checks, briefings, inventories and, my favorite part, written reports.  While all of this gives my friends plenty of ammunition to make fun of me, the time flies (okay, so that was an easy pun) during your day as a flight attendant.

In Flight Attendant School, I recall a fellow trainee being worried that she’d forget a procedure.  One of the reasons you’ll study every night after classes is so that doesn’t happen.  It’s kind of like math:  if you repeat 2 + 2 = 4 enough times, sooner or later you’ll remember it.  If you don’t, you keep repeating kindergarten. If you’re considering a career as a flight attendant, hit the books and take it all very seriously.  During your final exams, the last thing you want to be doing is trying to remember what comes after “Welcome aboard” when you’ve got that intercom in your hand.

My advice is to think of each piece of information from classes as compartments. (Oh brother, there she goes again).  Each compartment is a procedure and after a few test flights, you’ll easily see how they all fit together nicely over the course of your day as a flight attendant.

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While we are sitting at our desks in Flight Attendant School trying to memorize the “Boarding” announcement verbatim, the mind starts to wander.

Is this all there is? Safety, memorization, and passing out snacks? What about the good stuff, the fun stuff?

Hey, it’s out there. This comes from a person that has had a long Flight Attendant Career, and at times has had too much fun.

It’s Monday and tonight we’re in Austin. It’s a long overnight, and if you haven’t been to Austin, you are gonna need the extra sleep.

The van arrives late to pick up the Crew from the airport. It’s a mid 70 degrees and the humidity is low; a perfect night to end our 13 hour workday. We all hurry to our rooms, with the last words on the elevator being, “downstairs, 15 minutes.”

Sixth Street is only four blocks away and in Austin it is the “Yellow Brick Road” to a great night out.  Live music, great food, restaurants and bars are wide open for the pickings. Buckets of fresh seafood and more craw daddies than you may ever want to see.

Everybody is doing fine, yet no one says” hi” because they say “hey.”
You’re not “getting around to getting” the next set of “Jacks” your “fixin to git them.”

I tip my glass and declare, “Ye Haw how did a boy from Jersey get to a place like this?”
It’s 2 a.m. and I remember thinking save something in the tank, tomorrow brings me to Boston.

I have a date with my good friends from the Massachusetts Transit Department. We will swap stories at “Giavellis” in East Boston. The guys tell me about the “weirdo’s” on the train. I counter with my adventure of the day. We will take turns ordering different varieties of Sammy Adams as the snow begins to lightly fall outside.

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I was lucky enough to be on an international route for a few months, from JFK to Rome.  I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity to visit my grandparent’s home town about 50 miles north.  In Flight Attendant School, one of the many benefits trainees were most excited about was the ability to travel.  Everyone in my class had a place they wanted to visit.  Some had plans for exotic trips while others wanted to visit all fifty states.

The freedom to choose trips that comes with a Flight Attendant Career doesn’t happen immediately.  You have to earn it and work enough time to gain seniority.  But even before your career reaches that point, you can take advantage of most every city or country you’ll travel to.  In addition to my adventure in Italy, I’ve been able to visit U.S. historical landmarks like Mt. Rushmore. I even took a few days to take a diner tour along Rte. 66, which meant the best meatloaf and biscuits I’ve ever had.

My Flight Attendant Career really paid off during this trip. I got in touch with a second cousin in Italy, who hardly spoke any English, but was boarding an American student who gladly translated. We walked the mile to a tiny, white church, which indeed bore my grandfather’s name.  Of all the trips I’ve made as a flight attendant, this was the most memorable and I now have a story to pass onto my children so someday they can travel to Italy and continue the tradition.

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Choosing a Flight Attendant Career, versus that of a (not exactly starving, but hungry most of the time) writer, was one of the best decisions I ever made.  One needs blocks of time to be a successful freelancer:  there’s the hunt for assignments, interviews and the ever increasing need to be tech savvy in the competitive world of publishing. Working a 9-5 job, adding on commute and family time, leaves about an hour a day to write, and that’s only if you give up your double dose of Seinfeld reruns.

As a flight attendant, you’ll work several days in a row and then have several off.  And, as you gain seniority, you’ll be able to pick and choose your trips, and that can mean only having to work less than 2 weeks a month. For a writer, that’s a dream arrangement.  And even while on the job, there’s downtime in hotels to read, and as everyone knows, the more you read the better you’ll write!

After Flight Attendant School, I was able to take advantage of extensive travel, which landed me several assignments for magazines and travel blogs.  So I had flexibility in my schedule, which allowed more time with my family and even more time to stare at a blank piece of paper for hours on end.

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After you graduate from Flight Attendant School, after the dusts settles, the friends you have made in your new Flight Attendant Career are special. Some will always have a close spot in your heart.

Tonight I remember one of those special people, his name was Mike. I had always proclaimed, “If you could clone Mike five thousand times, you would have five thousand perfect Flight Attendants”.

Mike was born to do the job. He was the kind of person that always beat the pin-ball machine, bowled the 300 game.  He was always groomed to a tee, polite, patient, and knowledgeable; a model, a leader in our field.

We were like Oscar and Felix, from the “Odd Couple”. Mike was the neat and professional Flight Attendant, and I am the scruffy easy going, sloppy guy.

Mike’s in- flight announcements were like listening to “Paul Harvey”; made boring stuff entertaining.  Mike always had the passengers laughing and most importantly, listening.

Mike and I were separated by a nice large number in seniority. In your Flight Attendant Career you will learn quickly that, “Seniority” to a Flight Attendant is second only to God. We didn’t work much together.

Mike schemed up this plan that would have us both working a Charter Flight to Germany. The only catch was that we had to speak German.  I had explained to Mike that my German was limited to only, “Heineken”, he told me not to sweat it and we signed up for the trip.

We were nearly a Weiner Schnitzel away from working the trip when we were called to meet our Supervisor.  She wanted to go over a few things, one of which was a test in the proficiency of the German language.

With his best “Hogan’s Heroes, Sergeant Schultz” accent, Mike blurted “I know nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing”.

Mike and I never made it to Germany.  But it certainly was fun trying.  Mike passed away a few years ago, but this is one of many memories I can think of him and reflect on often.

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My family used to love to brag about me. Oh, don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t because I was the greatest sister, or mother, or daughter who ever lived, but because they flew just about anywhere for free or at a discounted rate.

My mother spent a week at an Arizona spa, without her favorite daughter, I might add. My niece flew on a buddy pass to Hong Kong to visit her boyfriend and didn’t even send me a postcard. My dear, sweet son traveled around the country to check out colleges, even though there was a perfectly good one less than a mile from home. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that they’re ungrateful; they do call on occasion or send me a quick email while waiting to board a (free) flight to Spain, but a floral arrangement or box of chocolates every now and then would be nice.

Did I mention they can usually fly first class? That’s even more salt for them to rub into the wounds of their poor friends who fly coach and miss out on the hot towels and warm, flaky croissants.

So, having a Flight Attendant Career will not only give you a chance to see the world, but you’ll find yourself suddenly quite popular with friends and relatives you didn’t even know you had. I can see how all my time spent in Flight Attendant School certainly has paid off, not only for me, but for my friends and family as well!

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Your Flight Attendant Career will bring you many memorable moments. Today was a little different than most, besides having a famous athlete on board, I had a group of day-campers, from Brooklyn. We had a group of about fifty Day Campers ranging from 13 to 16 years old.

In Flight Attendant School you will be briefed about “Special Passengers”. In time you will be able to read what frame of mind the “Special Passenger” is in. Is he approachable, does he want his privacy, etc…. You will become more comfortable with each situation as your Flight Attendant Career continues.

Mr. Agassi was very pleasant to the Flight Crew. However, it seemed that he may have wanted some privacy, and quiet time.

The flight took off on time, and we started our in flight service. I met this young man that was part of the Day Camp. He reminded me of a 13 year old Sly Stallone “Yo” he greets me with. I ask him if I can get him something to drink.

He reaches in his pants pocket and pulls out a dollar bill. Quickly I explain to him that the drinks are complementary. He looks up to me and with his “Rocky” accent; he asks me if Andre Agassi was sitting in first class. I reply, “Yes”, and again ask him again if he would like a drink.

Little “Rocky” proceeds to pull out a dollar bill and states, “My friend George Washington would like to have Andre Agassi’s autograph.” Before I could say a word he pulls out another dollar bill and says, “and his friend George Washington would like to have Andre Agassi’s autograph.” I’m standing in front of this kid thinking to myself, is this kid nuts or what? Before I can say a word he yanks out his third dollar bill and repeats the same line, “and his friend George Washington would also like the autograph.”

I thought about it for a second and replied, “Son, the only chance you’ve got, is if Ben Franklin and ten of his friends are camping out in those pockets.”

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It wasn’t a day I wanted to spend on my feet serving bleary-eyed business travelers who hadn’t had their start up cup of joe. It was a day I wanted to be in bed, the vaporizer on full blast and a year’s supply of tissues within reach. I had a nasty cold, but had promised my co-worker, Liz, I’d switch days with her. She and her groom were off to Bermuda to celebrate their 25th anniversary. As much as I loved the idea of hibernating under a thick quilt that February morning, I loved Liz more.

It must have been Hug a Grouch Day (is there a card for that?) or the fact the roads had been covered in depressing grey slush, but no one was in a good mood. Perhaps a Flight Attendant Career hadn’t been such a smart move. But as I approached row 22 to take drink orders, a woman about my age was holding a beautiful little girl, who reminded me of my daughter. We chatted and found out both of us had adopted from the same Chinese province. When I put a glass of apple juice on her daughter’s tray, she touched my hand and gave me a smile as wide as the sky. That smile, that tiny hand, made me forget about my cold and lousy day.

The crew treated me to pizza that night. As I turned off my reading light hours later, I remembered a connection to the little Chinese girl who must have known how badly I needed a smile that morning. Its memories like this that make me happy I chose to go to Flight Attendant School.

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The place that our confirmation begins to becoming a Professional Flight Attendant is in Flight Attendant School. From the minute we walk into the classroom, we will have started the adventure into a Flight Attendant Career.

The classroom will be filled with all kinds of people. Everyone in the place thinks they want to be, and has what it takes to be a Flight Attendant. The people in this classroom are no different than any other classroom of people we have grown up with. There will be tall ones, short ones, sane, and……… crazy ones.

Everyone will eyeball each other and start to sum things up. As we start to divide into groups, it will become evident that students begin to group with other individuals that may be more like themselves.

Take my advice, and it may be hard to do. Try to mix it up. Listen as much as you can, and mix it up with the other students.

Some of these people may drive you crazy. Some of their questions may be redundant; some may be older, or much younger than you. Some people may be over opinionated, some may display unrealistic points of view, and some may have you praying to hear fingernails on the blackboard for relief.

Welcome to your new career. The journey has begun, your classmates are a reflection of the people you will serve as a” Safety and Service” Professional………your Passengers.

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Nine years ago I was dating this beautiful creature Kari, that eventually became my spouse and better half. I’m a Flight Attendant; this career path has taken me to many different places. Every day at work brings someone new, and every once and a while I get to meet a celebrity. In Flight Attendant School they caution us to respect celebrity privacy.

My Flight Attendant Career be damned, I was going to go for it. Dean Cain aka “Superman” from “The Adventures of Lois and Clark” was on my flight.

I approached him very professionally and asked, “Can I get you something to drink?” He replied “That he was fine, thank-you”. I thought for a second about the Flight Attendant Career I loved, and the rules of Celebrity engagement. Career be damned, I blurted out to Superman himself “Will you do me a favor?”

Superman looks me in the eyes, the same eyes he could have x-rayed my brains out, and said, “Sure, what can I do for you?”
I about died, the flight was only 55 minutes long, and I had already wasted too much time being a charming host to all the other regulars on the flight. I had to get busy now that I had Superman under my power. I handed him a pen and pad, and said, “Ok, start writing.”

I dictated words to Superman himself to put on paper, “Kari, I may be as fast as a speeding bullet, but you want a man that will last forever. I may be able to leap the tall building, but you have the man that will fly to the end of the world for you. My weakness is the deadly kryptonite, John’s weakness is the thought of losing you”. He signed off, God Bless, Dean Cain aka Superman.

Oh yea, he was super, but in Kari’s eyes, I was the MAN.

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