“Parachute” here has nothing to do with a Flight Attendant Career.  Which is a good thing in this case.  It has to do with the famous book that guides career seekers into considering life experience and their best assets when choosing, or considering switching, careers.  Whether you’re looking into a Flight Attendant School for your initial career or this is your fifth career, here are a few things to consider which may help you expedite the choice of colors for your parachute.

Airlines are looking for candidates that are well spoken, well groomed and well presented.  If you have multiple tattoos or body piercings, they will be noticed, and not in a complimentary way.  If you don’t like people, this isn’t the career for you.  If you insist on wearing your hair in a ponytail (I mean you, David, not you, Jenny) you might want to consider a career path as a roadie instead.  If you prefer a 9 to 5 schedule, an office job may be more comparable.  If you insist on sleeping in the same bed every night, again, not for you.

But if you like adventure, visiting new cities, not having to cook for yourself the days you’re at work and meeting people from all over the world, a Flight Attendant Career may be something to consider – especially if you haven’t yet started a family and can be flexible in your work schedule.  Oh, I forgot to mention that you only work 50-90 hours a month.  That’s a month, not a week.  And, the benefits will make the haircut and piercing-removal a long, distant memory.

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In Flight Attendant School we learn the skills that will make us into productive and great Flight Attendants.

During our Flight Attendant Careers, we sometimes unlearn what we learned in Flight Attendant School. We learn the tricks of the trade.

Computer shortcuts, trip trade moves, and how to get the most out of a short term disability claim. Just when you think you know it all, somebody more senior will teach you a new way to get out of the Airport Parking Garage ….  for free.

We meet all different kinds of co-workers. Some of our co-workers have varying work principals.

A few years ago I met this character named Jamie. This guy put the slack in the term “Slacker.”

Jamie lived to not work. He had made a science of how to get paid, for doing almost nothing.

Jamie’s Flight Attendant philosophy went something like this, “This job promotes non-work.”

Jamie explained to me that every day that he comes to work he hopes for a mechanical problem that will lead to a cancellation. If the flight gets cancelled, he goes home with the same pay as if he had worked the flight.

Jamie always wished for bad weather in his arriving city. Same case, bad weather, potential cancellation, equates to non work, with pay.

Jamie was very senior. He could combine his 5 weeks vacation with his sick days and possibly work 4 days a month, all while getting paid for a full month with benefits.

The more seniority we have, the better trips we hold, the less we work, and the more we are paid.

When Jamie did work, he prayed for a misconnection situation, at the connecting airport. Same case, less work, same compensation.

The last thing on Jamie’s list was the downgrade. When an aircraft is downgraded the crew usually gets smaller, the most senior Flight Attendant goes home with pay. Jamie is a very senior Flight Attendant.

The last time I had seen Jamie, he was bidding Florida trips, during Hurricane season.

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My dad’s infamous words on every road trip (and there were a lot in my life) were always, “Learn to be bored!” My brother and I always felt that this was a poor suggestion seeing as how terrible boredom really was.

I never truly understood my dad’s suggestion until I embarked upon my flight attendant career. ON MY GOSH, was he right?! Between hot reserve duty, being fresh out of flight attendant school, and six hour lay-overs, boredom is inevitable. You have to learn to love to read, become very well aquatinted with the internet (if you have a laptop), watch the same movie in the crew room time after time for all eternity (if you’re blessed enough to have a TV and VCR/DVD player, and both working at the same time), or, do what I did – become addicted.

My addiction was not one of cigarettes, drugs, coffee, donuts, peanuts, or anything of that nature. My addiction was in the form of those Penny Press books… logic problems, brain teasers, crosswords and my all time favorite puzzle to hunt and play? Number boxes!!!

Oh number boxes, how I love thee? What are number boxes? Now, it is very popularly known as Sudoku! Praise Sudoku!! My savior from boredom. I do have to warn you of one thing however – people will commonly mistake the look of intense concentration as boredom. So, don’t be offended if no one realizes you are truly evading your torturer.

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In Flight Attendant School we are drilled and assigned to memorize all kinds of announcements. Pre-board, takeoff, landing, and emergency announcements are all some of the announcements we need to know.

The unfortunate facts are that it seems that not many of the passengers are listening to our announcements, and that our own airline is constantly changing the announcements.

In Flight Attendant School you will be told to never alter the Safety Announcements. Your instructors will try to convince you that the full wrath of the Company, the FAA, and the gods of Announcements will seek and destroy you.

Our Flight Attendant Careers are full of boring moments. Same thing, different day type stuff. I like to think of myself as a bit of a rebel. I’d like to share with you some announcements I have borrowed in order to get the passengers attention, and to lighten up some tense moments.

As we were landing in Detroit, where the runway can be compared to a street in Baghdad, I announced, “Ladies and gentlemen we will encounter bumps between the runway and the gate. This is not my fault. This is not the Captains fault. This is the asphalt.”

One of the most annoying moments that happens every day revolves around your beverage and snack service. We make the appropriate announcements not once but twice, yet within the first few rows into the service, someone always asks, what do you have?

Try this, “In a few moments our Flight Attendants will be starting a beverage and snack service. Included are Coca Cola products, and five snack options. Please listen carefully as FAA regulations strictly prohibit our Flight Attendants from repeating these options.”

During the Safety Announcement this usually will get your passengers attention, “In the event of a sudden loss of Cabin Pressure, mask will fall from the compartment above your head. Stop screaming, put on your mask. If you are traveling with a small child or someone that is acting like a small child, put your mask on first before assisting your child. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”

And finally, after landing, “As you exit the airplane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be divided evenly among the Flight Attendants. Please do not leave any children, spouses or mother-in laws.”

We like to thank-you for flying US Airways today, we would like to remind you that no one loves you or your money more than US Airways.”

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People say it’s the small things in life that make life worth living.  Well, small airports work the same exact way.  My favorite small airport to go to was Key West, FL.  Besides the location, the five people that worked there were amazing!  And they all knew me by name.  They were always so friendly and willing to do anything I asked them.

During my flight attendant career I found that even if the smaller airports didn’t have catering the ground crews would bend over backwards to try to meet my requests.  The great thing about smaller airports with catering is that they will have all the really good stuff and if the company has changed supplies and you like the old, not the new goods, you can get them at the smaller airports (turn over isn’t as quick as the bigger airports).  In flight attendant school of course, you are taught the ways of catering, and then you will majorly finesse it during your flight attendant career, little tricks and all.

Another wonderful part with smaller airports is that they have an amazing knack to have a great turn over time.  You get in the airport, deplane, get the paperwork, get the passengers, who are usually all there early as well, and then you’re off.  It’s great.

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The time has come. Flight Attendant School is over. It is time to go to work. You are excited and extremely nervous.

Will you remember everything that you were taught? You worry about the basic things. Where do I stand during boarding? Am I making the right announcements, at the right time? How am I gonna get this galley prepared ahead of time, and where is everything?

Did I do my pre-flight completely? I forgot the names of my crew members, are they gonna think I’m nuts if I ask them again?

Is that baby seat allowed in the middle seat? How do I work this video machine?

Unfortunately or fortunately, your Crew will know that you are new. Your uniform shirt still has creases, your hair is too perfect, and your bags look like they just came from the shelf.

The first days of your Flight Attendant Career have begun. Along the road you will meet many a Crew Member. Most of these people will be helpful, smile at your naivety, and give you tips when you need them.

Most of your new crew mates will take you under their wing, guide you, and maybe even baptize you at the local watering hole, near the hotel.

However every once and a while you will run into the Titanic. This Crew Member worked “here” before you were born. Heck, before Moses was born. This crew member knows it all. Flight Attendant School courses be damned, there is only one way to do the task, and it’s their way.

They don’t talk to you much, unless you screw up. When these people are not rushing through the beverage services, they are reading or doing the USA Today Puzzle.

These people are the Battle Ax’s. You have nowhere to hide, and like a mother-in-law out of control, they are always in your face.

Pray to be released, pray for a cancellation. Stay out of their way, this breed is miserable. Make friends with the other Flight Attendant, and pray again, that the two of them were not from Class One.

You will make it through these times. Etch your experience in your mind; engrave the experiences in your soul. In twenty years you too will have a choice of, to be or not to be, a Battle Ax.

Popularity: 84% [?]

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When considering a Flight Attendant Career, think into the future and what it may hold after you gain experience on commercial airlines.  There are opportunities in business aviation as a contract or fulltime corporate flight attendant.

The training is different from that of commercial airlines and you should research the various training programs to find one that best suits your schedule, budget and geographic location.

Be sure it’s a well respected program so when you look for a job, the chief flight attendant or aviation manager will recognize it.  Look for the number of graduates, how long they’ve been in business and get references of graduates so you can contact them.  Also, do they own the training equipment?

When you’re ready for the job market, research the corporation so you’re knowledgeable.  You can also find companies that offer interview training programs, usually for under $1,000.  Flight Attendant School can be a different experience if you’re interested in commercial or corporate aviation.  As always, and in either case, do your homework, be prepared and know that you’ll succeed.

Popularity: 85% [?]

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It was just another day in my Flight Attendant Career. This job is like many others, it is what you make it.

We come to work just like the rest of the world. We fought miserable traffic. We have domestic issues at home. We don’t feel one hundred per-cent, headache, stuffy nose, etc…..

Sometimes, we don’t even want to be at work. The layovers may be short. The hotel that you will be sleeping in is a real roach coach.

Just like any other profession we have our up and down days.

This particular day was turning out to be a “Roach Coach Day.” I was in the greeting position of the aircraft. I was really forcing the smile and the, “Hi, How Are Ya’s.”

This smartly dressed older gentleman walked through the door. He said to my co-worker, “Hello, how are you?”

My smart-mouthed friend replied, “Well, how do I look?” I looked at my Buddy and called him a, “Stu naught.” (That is a “Stupid”, in Italian).

The older gentleman smiled and asked me if I was a Piason. (An Italian) I smiled and shook my head up and down.

During the flight this old man kept speaking to me in Italian. He believed that I was fluent in Italian. Heck, I can’t even spell Piason correctly.

The old man came into the galley, and started speaking Italian to me again. I explained to him that I was second generation Italian, but unfortunately I only knew the bad words in Italian.

He laughed, and we began to talk……. in English.

He was so very full of life. He laughed, he was very articulate. He seemed to shine with happiness and joy.

The flight passed by quickly, it was because of his company.

Before he went back to his seat I asked him two questions.

Sir, “May I ask your age?” He replied, “I am 89 years old.” I was blown away.

He had the spirit of a young man, the sense of humor of a child, and the intellect of a mid aged professor.

I then asked him, “What keeps you so vibrant and young?” He replied, “People like you, the blessings of my life.”

My layover was peaceful, and I slept soundly in the Roach Coach.

Most of all, I remembered why I went to Flight Attendant School, and why I had picked a Flight Attendant Career.

Popularity: 80% [?]

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I had become accustomed to flying with dogs or cats making noise when placed in the cargo hold as my time went on during my flight attendant career.  One month in particular, I noticed a huge influx of birds being transported in the cargo hold, which I found interesting.

I noticed a cockatoo being loaded into the cargo hold one day, and as passengers were settling down into their seats, you could hear this faint yell coming from the aft of the plane.  At this point, no one really noticed the noise.

Unfortunately, once airborne, it was impossible to miss the horrible sounds.  There was something in cargo screaming at the top of its lungs “HELP!!!” and every once in a while threw in a “Mommy where are you?”  And “Have I been a bad girl?”

To say the least it took a lot of convincing of the passengers that there was not some little girl trapped back there, it was truly someone’s pet cockatoo!

In the end I had to take a few passengers back to the peep hole to look into the cargo hold to see for themselves that there was no child being tortured!

In flight attendant school the critters we might encounter were a quick lesson, but I never thought I’d be explaining to a plane full of passengers the ways of cockatoos and reassuring them the pleading screams were not coming from a trapped child!

Popularity: 60% [?]

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Three airlines have filed for Chapter 13 protection this week. ATA, Aloha, and Frontier Airlines are the latest victims to today’s economy and or simply bad management techniques.

It seems that Airlines file for Bankruptcy protection more than any other corporate businesses. Unlike many other corporate businesses, Airlines have this lucky charm; its name is Uncle Sam.

We are a country that is losing billions of dollars on the Iraq war and most importantly losing the lives of many of our young men and women. We are a country that does not offer medical coverage to all that are in need. Our senior citizens travel abroad to get medical attention which includes prescription drugs. Our public school system is so poorly funded that many children are “being left out.”

Yet, our Federal Government will find the funding to help airlines bail themselves out, again and again.

The horrors of September 11th were the last time that we the people helped bail out the Airlines.  The tragedy that took place paralyzed our nation and its Airlines. However, what most people don’t know is that long before September 11, some of the same Airlines that were bailed out already were in debt and trouble.

As Airlines are bailed out some good things happen. The worker bees, the Flight Attendants, Gate Agents, and other front line employees maintained their livelihoods. However that livelihood is usually tied into large reductions in pay, and benefits.

Your Airline Corporate People believe that those same line workers are just lucky to have their jobs. Meanwhile Golden Parachutes, Stock Options, and large Performance Bonuses are lined into Managements bottomless pockets.

Stock prices free fall. At the right time our Senior Managers and CEO’s are lining their undies with money that will soon grow like a Chia Pet.

Before you enter Flight Attendant School be aware of what I have just shared. Have a long Flight Attendant Career because you love what you do. Fight in order to not be taken advantage of, and smile when you say “bye, bye” to the other group of people that are being taken advantage of………your Passengers.

Popularity: 63% [?]

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